I’m sitting here cracked out on carrots and Diet Cherry Coke (correction: Zero Cherry Coke — “diet” isn’t hip, apparently) killing flies. Flies are everywhere. I have killed over two dozen in less than 48 hours. I made up fly traps out of empty Zero Cherry Coke cans, vinegar, and sugar. I forgot to count the dead flies in the cans… Over 30 deaths. My house is a concentration camp for the fuckers.
I do not know where they came from or why they want to be here. There is nothing in the trash can. The sink is empty. The garbage disposal is clean. The cat box is emptied.
Clam keeps biting at them as I sit here with my can of soda (the 6th or 7th today).
The caffeine is keeping me awake.
Drugs are making me woozy.
I kept eating carrots.
I ate half of the bag.
I want to vomit.
I walked into the generic and over-priced, yet convenient, deli on the first floor of my office building (Boars [sic] Nest, 75 Kneeland 02111), and approached the counter.
“What’ll ya have?”
“A Reuben, please.”
Dude looks up at the menu on the wall, “If you can find a Reuben on there, I’ll make it for you.”
I should be more mindful to not order outlandish items, like sandwiches, from specialty stores, like sandwich shops.
I should also be mindful of not patronizing delis run by assholes.
Filed under: amusement
Since we are on the subject of anthropomorphization…
For a while I had been pondering starting a petsitting and mobile grooming service here in Boston. The area is rife with over-wealthy, over-lazy, travelers with pets. I went as far as buying books and pondering business plans. I discarded the idea for lack of enthusiasm.
If I believed in Fate, I would call her a pushy, tenacious bitch. I don’t.
Circumstance is a fucking whore. Take that, personifications of concepts!
One of the vets from work asked around to see if any of us minions did petsitting. I said I wouldn’t mind since her house is on my way home (via train w/ a bit of a walk). She offered enough money that it wasn’t a significant inconvenience, and we scheduled a weekend.
Then we scheduled two more.
Then she gave my number to her neighbor and I have multiple gigs on 4th of July weekend.
Then she gave my number to her other neighbor and I may have multiple gigs this weekend.
I am now the Cambridge Pet Whore, getting passed around faster than your mom’s keys at a swingers’ party.
Filed under: amusement
…our very own bastardized Japanese game show! Who is EXCITED?! Is it the splashing? Is it the non-stop, fast-beat techno? The shiny unitards????
OH SHIT, I CAN’T DECIDE!
Filed under: amusement
I once went to CVS looking for (the fabulously OTC) Zyrtec. In the isle, I ran into a pair of women discussing which medication to get for a one of their colds that would not make them sleepy. Being me, I butted in, and suggested they steer clear of the ones with diphenhydramine and doxylamine. The one on the left met me with a vacant stare… “di-pen-hi-dri-min? I don’t know that one.” “No worries, I’m a biochem major, and I read labels compulsively. Its just the real name for Benedryl.” “Oooooh! Yeah, we learned about that. I’m a nursing major.”
If ever you wanted to meet a cliquey, self-important, and inept individual look no further than your local hospital. Nurses. In high-demand, these women with no special skill (especially spelling and logic) will be taking care of you on your deathbed.
Nickki in joys bowling.
Jasmin is a pessemist.
And Nurse Princess is… just… oh my god.
The plan for this weekend is awesome!
I am heading down to Courtney’s on Saturday. We are going to each get our first tattoos, henna up our feet, burn incense, and make curry :D In honor of this groovy event, I looked up the chakras associated with our tattoo placement, and am pleasantly surprised…
Courtney is getting a treble clef 
tramp stamp (just above the butt crack, for those of you who don’t know), and I am getting a capital delta 
on the nape of my neck. So Court’s is going to be placed at the first charka, and mine at the fifth chakra. “I am music” and “I speak change.” Frankly, if anyone ever needed to be better in touch with herself, it would be Courtney, and if anyone needed some creative motivation, it would be me. (I am, of course, not serious.) The chakras are as follows:
